


Without you, I’m just a sad song

by CaptainDaddyBigTits



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Grief, Hugs, Infinity War spoilers, Kissing, M/M, Post Avengers:Infinity war, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Thanos is a purple dickhead, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 04:50:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14465391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDaddyBigTits/pseuds/CaptainDaddyBigTits
Summary: < < SPOILERS fOR INfINITY WAR. READ AFTER YOU’VE WATCHED IT.Suddenly the weight of the dog tags is too much on his chest, and the chain holding them, seems to choke him.They say that wearing your best guys’ dogs tags during battle, saves your life.But it didn’t save his best friend who was wearing his tags.And by some fucked up cosmic theory, it saved his life.





	Without you, I’m just a sad song

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR IW, DON'T READ IF YOU DIDN'T SEE IT.
> 
> Edit: fixed the typos. I wrote this in a rush at 3 am so if you find more, lemme know!

_**This is the end** _

“Steve..?”, a very familiar voice said his name in a shaky, scared tone.

**_Here’s where you’ll die_ **

He turns around to see Bucky looking at his disappearing arm in confusion and then he meets his eyes, and the pure fear and confusion in them freezes Steve. Coupled with that, the sight of Bucky’s arms and legs slowly disintegrating causes him to paralyse. He should run to Bucky, try to save him, do anything. But he can’t move.

He maintains Bucky’s scared stare as his existence dissolves into ashes and dust and experiences every millisecond of it.

**_Legends should scatter_ **

The weapon falls on the grass with a metallic clatter and that shatters Steve’s trance as cold reality settles in. His heart his pounding wildly in this ribcage, the sounds and screams from the battle still ringing in his ears from the adrenaline.

On unsteady legs, he walks over to where Bucky stood before vanishing into ashes. Cold horror grips him, and he sinks to his knee feeling numb. He turns to look at Thor, who looks at him with dread and blank confusion in his mismatched eyes. Silently, he confirms that Thanos indeed is successful in killing half of the universe. That included Bucky.

He turns back to where the brunette stood, staring at the spec of ashes- _Bucky’s_ _remains_ \- scattered over Wakandan soil. The battle adrenaline is still surging through him and his hand is shaking as he buries his fingers over ashes -  _Bucky’s remains._

He numbly stares at the ground as his eyes glaze over and his body shakes minutely.

Steve was in a haze.

It was like the screams and war faded into the background.

And numbness outweighed the grief that should have consumed him.

He felt, blank, cold and empty.

 

_“Grab my hand!”, he’s reaching out, and Bucky is making a grab for his hand, but he’s too far and the railing gives out. Bucky’s falling, and his hand misses Steve’s by millimeters. He’s falling deeper into the ravine, hand outstretched towards him. Bucky’s blood curling scream burns his ears over the deafening howling wind, and he dazedly grabs onto the railing as he himself slips down._

_He keeps on watching until Bucky’s falling, trashing body disappears into the cold harsh snow._

_If only he had held on longer._

**_Just say goodbye._ **

_“Steve..?”_

Bucky’s fearful voice echoes in his head as chilling fear finally lets its tendrils grip him. Years, in the army had trained him to always be in an alert and a steady position. And when his comrades fell, he went to check upon their bodies, and never could sink down to both his knees even when grief and guilt hit him. He always had to be ready to dive into the battle and take on over anybody who might take advantage of his weakness.

If only he had held on back then. If only he’d held on now, and didn’t freeze when Bucky needed him. God, how many times had the older boy pulled Steve from his near goddamn death, even when he didn’t remember himself, and how did Steve return him the favour? By watching him die and not holding on or moving where it counts? By freezing when he was needed to act?

The realization opens a flood of grief and the fact that Bucky is really dead slams into him harshly. He falls onto his other knee and digs his hands into the black dust : _Bucky’s_ _remains_ , his brain supplies, and a sob escapes him as he stares at the abandoned machine gun- the last thing he held before dying,

Distantly he could hear Okoye’s cry for her king, and surviving people screaming as more people vanish as if they never existed.

Distantly he hears Thor call his name, but the only voice he can listen to is Bucky’s scared voice.

_“Steve?”_

His horrified and anguished face was the thing his best friend saw.

His name was the last thing he said.

He was wearing Steve’s dog tags when he died.

The last thing he felt was fear and confusion.

The look on his face was something Steve never wanted to see again.

Somehow this is much more worse than not having Bucky’s body to hold onto. It’s like he didn’t exist. Steve clenches his tight shut. Images of Wanda, oh god she was so young and the world had cruelly taken everyone she loved and thrust her into darkness, was she even alive, Vision his cold body still lying on the forest floor. And Bucky. Tears slip from his clenched eyelids, every night that they spent cuddled together to keep warm in the 40s, every smile that lightened up Bucky’s face, the crinkles around his eyes and the way his eyes were so beautiful in specs of gray mixed with blue. It was real, Bucky was real.

And he was now dead, because he failed.

And he was in love with his best friend.

What a fucking thing to realise, whilst being fingers deep into his ashes in a field where thousands are dying and gunpowder and grimness weighing heavily in the air.

Suddenly the weight of the dog tags is too much on his chest, and the chain holding them, seems to choke him.

They say that wearing your best guys’ dogs tags during battle, saves your life.

But it didn’t save his best friend who was wearing his tags.

And by some fucked up cosmic theory, it saved his life.

He feels a large palm grip his shoulder, and shake him. He opens his eyes to see Thor’s grim face full of understanding and a haunted look in his eyes.

“It should have been me.”, he whispers and Thor shakes his head, “No Steve, it’s all on Thanos. You did everything you could.”.

Steve stares at him for a moment, and then he leans over and shakily grips the gun, Bucky dropped. And stands up with a grim determination.

“We need you Steve.”, Thor whispers and wraps an arm around his waist to steady him when he stands on wobbly legs.

So did Bucky. And he couldn’t save him.

_“Steve?”_

 Steve closes his eyes for a moment to collect himself, and then reopens them with a single life purpose in his mind.

He couldn’t save Bucky. But he was gonna be an avenger and avenge him and the others he failed.

He could start by being there for the people who survived this gruesome war, and help them.

◇◇◇◇◇◇

Two weeks later, while he was helping Natasha search for the Bartons, a portal is made in front of him, his hands quickly grasp the gun in his thigh holster, as a figure steps through it.

“ My name is Wong. Captain, I’m not here to harm you. I found a way to reverse what Thanos did but we must hurry, we don’t have much time.”, Wong says gesturing towards the portal, with the- Time stone?- cradled in a necklace in his hand.

“What?”, Steve whispers dumbly.

Wong grabs his arm and drags him, “I’ll explain it, we need to move now.”, and then they step through the portal.

◇◇◇◇◇◇

When he opens his eyes, there’s screams and outriders running around and Wakandan army battling them. He looks around to see the forcefields still up. Thanos hasn’t arrived yet.

He looks down to see himself in his old uniform, and he knows one thing he needs to do first. He runs back towards the hill, and nearly stops at the sight of Bucky shooting the outriders surrounding him in a clean, deadly shot. He surges towards him and grabs him by the arm, and drags him into a spot behind the trees and hugs him like his life depends on it. Breathes in his scent, and clings to his body. Bucky’s arm- the one holding the gun- circles his back, and the other one cards through his long blonde hair and tries to pull him back to see his face. But Steve clings tightly to him, and buries his face against his neck, his lips brushing against the exposed skin.

“Steve?”

_“Steve?”_

He shakes his head minutely, as much as he loves his name coming from Bucky, he’s way too haunted by the confusion laced tone to want to hear it.

He tenderly cradles Bucky’s face in his hands and kisses him. Bucky lets out a short whimper into his lips, and kisses back roughly, fingers tightening on Steve’s hair. A shot rings out and the recoil vibrates through Steve’s body, he breaks the kiss and turns around to see smoke coming from the barrel of the gun Bucky held, and an outrider, lying dead on the grass. He looks at Bucky, like a man thirsty for water after spending two weeks in a desert. In a way it was true, Bucky was the air to his lungs.

He looks long and hard with deep searching eyes, and Bucky opens his mouth, probably to say his name, and no Steve doesn’t want to hear his name from those lips, so he fists a hand on Bucky’s soft brown locks and uses it to crash their mouths together. He wraps an arm around Bucky’s waist and pulls him flush and snug against his body, so that they’re touching from head to toe. A projectile passes by, too close to them and Steve maneuvers them, so that now Bucky is pressed up against a hill, and Steve is crowding him, all the while not breaking the kiss. The blast echoes in their ears, and the heat from the explosion tears a hole into Steve’s uniform sleeve, but he doesn’t care.

 He pulls away, and whispers, “I love you so much, Buck”

Bucky’s flesh hand cups Steve’s face, and he presses their foreheads, ”I love you too, Stevie.”, The childhood nickname makes Steve tear up and he quickly pecks Bucky’s lips.

The brunette puts a finger against his lips, when tries to dive in for another kiss, “ I’m not complaining, because I’ve been waiting for this for so long. But something’s off about you. What happened, Stevie?”

Steve chokes up remembering that he’s out of time again. But this time he’s with Bucky, and even running on borrowed time, he chooses to be selfish and not tell Bucky about the future where he didn’t make it. This time they both would go down or Bucky survives.

“I-…”, he starts then shakes his head and pulls Bucky into his arms again as he watches Sam and Rhodey fly towards where Thanos was supposed to arrive. He just hopes that Dr.Strange doesn’t give up the time stone this time, and that Wong manages to help Mantis distract Thanos long enough for Tony and Peter to pull off the infinity gauntlet.

As Bucky lets out a soft happy sigh, against his neck, he buries his face into his hair and tightens his arms.

“It’s gonna be okay.”, he whispers into his hair.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Iw broke me and I'm dead. *cries hard* 
> 
> If you guys wanna talk about iw in the comments feel free, and don't die yet. Y'all gotta live to sue marvel.


End file.
